


I'm a Dumb Teen Boy

by Bucky_loki



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Dysphoria, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Trans Mickey Milkovich
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bucky_loki/pseuds/Bucky_loki
Summary: The first time Mickey told Mandy he was a boy he was 5 years old and Mandy was 4. The two of them were playing in the snow outside their house, both bundled in pink snowsuits and bulky, knitted scarves as their mom smoked on the porch. Mandy looked up at Mickey for a moment before shrugging and throwing a handful of snow at her big brother. It wasn’t until a few hours later, after they’d warmed up again and were tucked in bed for a nap, that Mandy looked across their shared bedroom at Mickey.‘If you’re a boy...does that mean you’re my brother?’‘I think so’, Mickey’s voice was small; in the way he only ever allowed Mandy to hear it.‘Okay’, Mandy yawned and let her eyes fall shut. Mickey settled down too, content that his sister understood as much as he did. A comfort silence rested over the siblings for several minutes. ‘I like having another brother’, Mandy breathed out as she slipped into sleep.~~~Transboy Mickey Milkovich deals with high school, assholes and falling in love with one Ian Gallagher. All with the help of his sister Mandy, of course!Titled from Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich, Iggy Milkovich & Mickey Milkovich, Mandy Milkovich & Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	I'm a Dumb Teen Boy

The first time Mickey told Mandy he was a boy he was 5 years old and Mandy was 4. The two of them were playing in the snow outside their house, both bundled in pink snowsuits and bulky, knitted scarves as their mom smoked on the porch. Mandy looked up at Mickey for a moment before shrugging and throwing a handful of snow at her big brother. It wasn’t until a few hours later, after they’d warmed up again and were tucked in bed for a nap, that Mandy looked across their shared bedroom at Mickey.

‘If you’re a boy...does that mean you’re my brother?’

‘I think so’, Mickey’s voice was small; in the way he only ever allowed Mandy to hear it.

‘Okay’, Mandy yawned and let her eyes fall shut. Mickey settled down too, content that his sister understood as much as he did. A comfort silence rested over the siblings for several minutes. ‘I like having another brother’, Mandy breathed out as she slipped into sleep. 

~~~

Mickey was 8 years old when he decided he didn’t like his name. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he knew it didn’t fit and so he told his sister. 

‘You should have a nickname, like me!’ Although Mickey’s sister’s real name was Amanda he had never called her anything but Mandy, in fact the only person he’d ever heard call her Amanda was their mom - and that was only when she was really mad at her. 

‘Okay then, give me a nickname’, Mickey nodded at his sister and waited patiently as she pulled a very serious ‘thinking face’ and pondered a new name for her brother.

‘Mikhaila…’, Mandy mumbled ‘hmm...Kaley?’ 

Mickey shook his head.

‘Mickey?’

Mickey paused, he turned the name over in his head and tried it out. He liked it, but…

‘Isn’t that a boy’s name?’, Mickey’s voice wobbled slightly and he refused to look his sister in the eye.

‘It suits you’, Mandy shrugged and smiled at her brother. 

~~~

Mickey was 13 years old when Mandy found him on the bathroom floor. An empty pill bottle, blood on the rim of the sink and her big brother a crumpled, unconscious mess on the floor. Mandy didn’t remember screaming but figured she must have when Iggy came rushing into the dingy bathroom, trying to push Mandy out of the room. She clung onto Mickey as she sobbed, refusing to leave him, and Iggy reached over to push his fingers down Mickey’s throat. After a couple of tries Mickey started to bring the pills back up where he was propped up in Mandy’s lap; his sister stroked his hair gently as she continued to cry quietly. Once he stopped throwing up and was only dry heaving, Iggy slapped him across the face until his eyes started to open: upon making eye contact with his younger sibling Iggy sat back and let himself breathe. Mickey was alive. 

As Mickey came to tears dripped down his face, shame filled his eyes and he tried to fold in on himself. Mandy didn’t let him. She pulled him closer to her and just held him there; crying, hugging him, telling him how much she loved him - all on the cold tiles of their bathroom floor. When Mandy looked up at Iggy, lent against the bathtub, she saw tears shining against his waterline. She had never seen Iggy cry and she never thought she would, but she never thought she’d see Mickey like this either. 

After 30 minutes spent on the bathroom floor Iggy helped Mickey into his and Mandy’s room. He set Mickey down on his bed and told Mandy to change his vomit soaked shirt whilst he went to find a first aid kit. Once only Mickey and Mandy were left in the room she moved over to their set of drawers, rooting through until she found a baggy, grey t-shirt - it was one of Iggy’s old shirts Mickey had claimed before it could be thrown out. She lifted the soiled shirt over her brother’s head and went to replace it with the clean one, but as she slipped his head through the neckhole her gaze fell onto Mickey’s chest. Scars and cuts littered his chest, some deeper than others and some so faded they must have been there for months if not years but all clearly self-inflicted. Freshed tears brimmed in Mandy’s eyes but she said nothing, just pulled the shirt down and kissed his forehead, careful to avoid the gash near his hairline.

A gentle knock at the door signalled Iggy’s return and Mandy told him to come in: Iggy knelt down in front of the bed holding rubbing alcohol and butterfly stitches prompting a look of confusion from Mickey.

‘I think you must’ve hit your head against the sink when you passed out’, Iggy told him as he held alcohol soaked cotton wool against his forehead.

‘Oh’, the first thing to come out of Mickey’s mouth since they found him.

Iggy applied the butterfly stitches gently, ‘make sure she doesn’t go to sleep for a couple of hours’, he told Mandy as he stood back up. ‘You could have a concussion’, he addressed Mickey. Iggy made to leave the room but turned as he reached the door, looking back at where Mickey had folded into himself.

‘Please don’t ever do that again.’

~~~

Mandy sat next to Mickey for hours, keeping him awake. They sat in silence for hours as the sun went down and people moved in and out of the house. Mandy was terrified to move, so scared she’d lose her brother if she ever left him alone again. It was pitch black when she finally broke the silence that hung between the siblings.

‘Why?’

Mickey sighed. He shifted a couple inches further from his sister and wrapped his arms around his knees; with his gaze fixed on his feet he began to mumbled an explanation,

‘There’s something wrong with me... not who I’m supposed to be...don’t match my body’, Mickey’s voice got softer as his words became less coherent until he fell silent again and let his head drop into his lap.

Mandy placed her hand on Mickey’s shoulder and squeezed gently, ‘you mean because you’re a boy?’

Mickey raised his head and looked at his sister through the darkness of their room, hope shining in his eyes for the first time in years. The smallest fraction of a smile crept onto Mickey’s face as he launched himself at his sister, pulling her into a tight hug. 

‘Yeah’, Mickey nodded into his sister’s shoulder, ‘Yeah I’m a boy.’

Mandy held her brother as they both sobbed, now from happiness that they’d finally figured it all out. Even as snot poured from her brother’s nose Mandy kept holding on - determined to never let him go. Mickey was her brother and she loved him.

**Author's Note:**

> Transboy!Mickey is my latest obsession and there is a severe lack of content to be found so I thought I might as well do something whilst in lockdown and write some myself.


End file.
